| Happy Birthday Russell. |
[06 Mar 2007|11:05pm] |
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We went to Venice Beach yesterday. it was senior ditch day..for raymond carlos vinny and bruce it was senior ditch day #1. for me and tanya...#43534566. I loved venice. i wanna go back asap. the colors, the variety of people. everyone willing to make conversation it seems. The graffiti shit was cool too. and the beach was beautiful. The drive there was only 45 minutes and the ride back..2 hours. me tanya and carlos were going crazy! um. everythings changed. from who i talk to and hang out with to the fact that brandon, once again, is out of my life. fuck dude. fuckkk. i feel like i closed a giant opening, the size of grand canyon, by saying goodbye to him. like it was this huge open thing, whatever you wanna call this thing, hope..dreams? i dunno..it was big. and now its done. and i need to put stitches over this gaping hole and move on. im scared i cant. im scared i cant walk away. but, i guess in a way ive already proven i can. i wont go back to him. id rather shoot my left leg off. but how i will miss you. and how i wish to see you someday, years from now..because i have to know that youre okay. i have to know that youll turn out fine. and im not overly confident in you, like..oh i know he's gonna be ok. no, its not enough to say that. i gotta see it. maybe one day ill bump into you and youll be married and have a child. ah, im talking like i havent talked to him in months. its been..2 days. and im barely holding out. i gotta learn that the right things for you are not always the easiest, in fact theyre usually the hardest.. never give people second chances though. that i know now. you give an ex a second chance..and theyre even moree inclined to fuck you over AGAIN. its dumb. guys are just dumb. i just wish you knew..
senior year is winding down now. just a couple more months of dodging the attendance police. haha i should really do that internship for edison this summer..and i should take my placement tests, and i should talk to my counselor. i should stop smoking hookah, i should be more decisive and prompt. i should start writing again. i should care more. but i just dont anymore.
happy 20th birthday brother. i miss you terribly.
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| I need sleep. |
[10 Mar 2006|07:35am] |
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Social Distortion-Dear Lover |
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Fuck its early...Im sitting here waiting for tanya. so i can go to school. blah. i wasnt intending to, because today is minimum day and i get out at 11:30..but, i guesssss ill go. hmm..everythings good. i guess. not my routine, thats for fuckin sure. i wake up, go to school, hang out after school, come home and get ready for work, go to work, hang out after work, come home and do the occasional homework if i feel like it, talk on the phone till..about 1 or 2, wake up and do it ALL over again. in between all that, i find time to eat, shower, fuckin take a piss. lol and squeeze the gym in now.ya...this is SO not gonna last.
Anyway, Johnny makes me happy..<3
We ALMOST had a dog yesterday..a replica of Kush(old doggy that got stolen) except she was white, with a brown patch on her eye..And so nice and friendly, and trained. BUT NO! mother and father had to say no..
Sad. Um..i got this obsession with purses now. Cuz wow..i spent my entire paycheck on them. I bought...hm 1, 2 ...3.........4 purses this week. Im going to hell for sure.
See you there.
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSSELL! |
[06 Mar 2006|06:20pm] |
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Today is my brothers 19th birthday. Yay for him..He requested that we not do anything today..cuz he said hes just gonna go out to dinner with his close friends. Personally, i think dinner is "code" for strip club..
But anyway...Im here to update. Its not like ive been gone for years or anything. But i swear, its like everything happens during the weekend. I dyed my hair back to black.i really missed it. I was gonna go lighter brown..but nah. Black it is. So yeah, friday night me and tanya had chicks night and dyed eachother's hair. I love spending nights like those with tanya. The next day...wow she's a trooper. We moved all the furniture in my room around.[[THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!]]It looks really good the way we put it. And of course tanya being the neat-freak that she is, made me throw away all my junk..fuck, it was hard. lol Umm..saturday night was cool. Nothing special. My boyfriend had to go out of town which completely sucked ass++he found out he has to go out of town again next weekend..Sucks even more ass..but anyway, we just went back to Sahara's..to which we hadnt been to in a while. and it was as we predicted. GAY && LAME. So never again to Sahara's. We saw Majd there though..eh. why type that, i dont care. Anyway, then we just kinda drove around everywhere and ended up at Tanya && Mike's house. Lately my parents have been real strict on what time i have to be home and what not..I think half the reason is because my mom knows theres a boy involved..cuz she used to ALWAYS back me up when it came to staying out late..and i think the other half is because of that one time i went to hollywood and stayed out till almost 3am..But ya, i had to be home by 12..so i left.
Then i hear Brandie and Adrian were out till 2. Those little slut hookers. lol <3 and i say that out of love!
So yes..that was Saturday.
Sunday..i finally saw johnny. After 5 whole days. Geez, i hate the fact that i sound psycho over him. TANYA TOLD ME[[yes im inputting that tanya!]] that i call him a lot. God..do i? If im ever doing something ani-like, i swear..please slap me.
Anyway, me tanya and brandie met Adrian at starbucks after he got outta work and we were just talking for an hour. Till johnny could go out..Then we got johnny..and went to Taco Bell. I swear i feel like i live at taco bell now. Cuz everyone seems to love it and its where we always go. And carlos works at taco bell...Weird.
So we eat and talk. And things were weird. Between me and him..cuz he thinks hes letting me down because he cant be around 24/7 and he thinks im all MAD at that. It doesnt make me mad being away from him. It makes me sad..But i understand. Family things gotta be resolved kidd. And im quiet cuz i think i came into the picture at a bad time for him. He swears i didnt. I swear im not mad. Case closed..or so it should be.
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| here they are.. |
[02 Mar 2006|05:57pm] |
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Edwin McCain-I'll Be |
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johnny - honestly when i left to whittier i thoght we'd never talk again and if that were true i probably wouldnt have measured my weiner yesterday and you wouldnt know what you know today ... and its weird, we havent talked in like two years but we hang out and shit and its like i never left and its great and im really sad your parents are going broke
victor - well mr. falon i honeslty dont think theres anyone in this world funnier than you, and i love you in a non gay way cuz all my gay love goes to johnny
monet - and who could forget monet i called ur mom lame once and you work at some haircutting place down the street from my work i think all that just screams best freinds and you really are one of my best
brandie - ahhh and brandie one of the reasons for me smiling right now i cant explain what it is about you but whatever it is im so amazingly happy were together
tanya - u be'z the tightest biznatch around this part of tizzown {translation from negro to regular} tanya is the coolest : )
---FROM ADRIAN!
Only one left...Steph. lol
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| The Love from [My Best Friends] |
[01 Mar 2006|02:49pm] |
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Circa Survive-Dying to Reach You |
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Well Since everyone is giving a shoutout..i decided i wanted to be cool too..haha. I love all you gangsters...and i realized that i dont know what i would do without you guys. This year i realized that friends come and go..because i lost a lot of people that i thought meant a lot to me. But hey i gained i think the best friends in the world!
Mike(aka: i love weed.aka: mikeylicious.aka:my brother!)-Wow...what can i say about you. Theres honestly too much. Your the best brother anyone could ask for. You're always there to teach me how the world really is..and even though when your giving me those talks about life..i make fun of you and say im not listening..i always am! I think ive memorized every word you've told me and ill never forget them.. I seriously dont know any other brother and sister as close as me and you ..and i love it. Thanks for always having my back! Love you!
Monet(aka: Munnayyyy.aka: My sister!)- Dang this right here would be like a novel...but i have to get to everybody else too. I have no clue what i would do without you. Sometimes...i say stupid stuff..and i take a lot of people for granted..but i have you to snap me back to reality. Thank you for always being there for me..and i really mean that. I honestly would die without you...as gay as that sounds lol. Your my sister that god forgot to give me. Well im gonna start crying right now...so im gonna end it here lol. Just know that ill always be there for you! I love you hoe!!
Alex(aka: hip hop.aka: i hate midgets)- Nigggaaaaa..your just too cool for words haha. Well im glad that we got to know eachother..and i have to say your one of my best friends. We've been through..um some intersting stuff..but thanks for not making things weird between us. I honestly think we'll be friends for a long time...cuz your just cool like that. So..Thanks gangstaaaaaa.
Brandie(aka:pimp car.aka:the nice one lol)- Dannggg gangster..i think your one of the nicest people i know. You always think of others..and i know thats some thing others cant always do. Im glad we became so close...cuz dang who am i gonna sing nsync in the car with!!?? haha I hope we have a lot more crazy drunk nights...where no one throws up haha. your gonna hate me for that later..haha thanks for being such a great friend!
Stephanie(aka:sister in law lol.aka:girl version of mike)- Well im so happy you and my brother are together..i can finally say that my brothers happy with where he is. You're one of the sweetest people i know..and funniest. lol we've had so muchh funnn and i cant wait to see what our crazy asses do next! Thanks for being such a good friend..i love you!!
Johnny(aka:J-dogg!!.aka: 5O cent lol)-I think your the most gangsterist person ever!! haha dang even compton has nothing on you lol. Hanging out with you has been the funniest experience ever! Your ridiculously hilarious...and i dont even know if i spelled that right But seriously...i think you could even make a depressed bum laugh!. Thanks for being so caring..and i hope you and monet get married so you can be my brother in law haha. Love you gangster!
Adrian(aka:first gangster.aka:best letter writer haha)- Dang i think your black at heart. haha your so gangster its crazyyyy. Im glad we've all been hanging out..cuz i have so much fun with you niggaazzz. Im glad you and brandie are together..cuz you guys make the best couple!! Well thanks for being so cool..and thug like you are!
Dang...that shit was a novel...and it took me a while! But you gangsters deserve it! I hope we have more gangster moments..and share more funny memories together! I dont know where i'de be without all of you...and im glad i have you guys in my life. Thanks for everything gangster crew!!!
monet-best bitch ever
brandie-nicest bitch ever
johnny-funniest bitch ever
adrian-gangsterist bitch ever
mike-thuggest bitch ever
stephanie-coolest bitch ever
alex-tightest bitch ever
Thug.Life.Crew!
---FROM TANYA.
Wow, I'm in a glass case of emotions!!!! I'm so happy right now, cause' finally your bitch ass broke down and spit out the truth about everyone, I indeed am a gangster and so is Stephanie, thankyou for telling everyone how cool we are, I greatly appriciate it, and for the rest of you, I greatly appriciate the fact that you guys are my friends even though most of the time I'm high and I don't remember anything you said, especially monet, you yell a lot and I pretend to listen but I'm really high, and the next morning I don't remeber anything only a pain in my ears from you loud fucking screaming, but I've grown ammune to that. Johnny your a funny little bitch and I laugh when you make jokes, Adrian take care of brandy, she is a easy one to make her laugh, that doesn't make sense but once again I"m high. Um, Alex you are fucking tight, I love blazing with you and complaining about life and how we want to shoot people, and for some reason you really hate migits like Tanya said. Brandy, finally you gave someone a chance to take that heart under the moonlight of the seventh day. You're a cool person, and thanks for laughing at my jokes when literally no one else did. Stephanie you are something that words could never describe but the tip of the iceburg is that you are fucking beautiful and I have wet dreams about you constantly and my mom actually complained about the white stains on my pillolow, don't ask. PS. Monet I know that you think that I wrote nice things about everyone except you but remember the other day I called sister, well sister I'll say it again, don't be mad. You're one of the specialest people. And finally the best for last, Sister, when I was reading your comment, my heart beat was a million, there was a pain in my throat, I think tears were about to squirt out and stab you in the eye. Thankyou for your words they were nicee, you are probably the loudest fuckin persin in life, but I'm used to it. Doctors say I will probably lose my hearing in the next few weeks, but hearing your wonderful sister voice for one day would be enough for eternity, thankyou sister, and even though I call you a bitch when you are acting like one, I still love you Bye bye.
----from MIKE
Well well well..you were not kidding when you said that Mike wrote a mini-book as a comment to this blog. And im sorry mike..cuz u know i love you,. but i shall have to write even more than u did. Tanya...that was so heart felt i think my heart has grown too big or 2 sizes to large like the grinch that stole christmas! i wonder if u shed a tear as u were writing that..because as i was reading that, i shed 2. honestly. or not....but you my dead, are my favorite person in this entire earth. Forever. And i will be by your side until the day i fuckin die. Well...or u die. depending who dies first, but i think i got a head start. Ive known you since the day on the monkey bars ages ago...Through first and second grade when u faked sick everyday to have ur mom pick u up from school to third and fourth where we fought over the same boy...ill never forget Tony Murillo...hahaha to Junior High..when we hardley spoke :( to surviving you moving away. we got through being seperated and then look what happened! even ur parents couldnt keep us apart cuz ur right back in Covina with meee! And now were in high school almost graduating...or u know...if we decide to go once in a while..haha I love you. All the people you afore mentioned...fuck there isnt words to describe my feelings of unconditional love for you..or the amount of it. Mike..yes youre insults drive me insane and one day..i will pull a 50 cent on ur ass and i will probably be forced to shoot u a couple times. That or rob your weed..haha but you are more like my brother than my own brothers. and i will regret saying this gay stuff later..but i shall express my heart and the gratitude for u i feel inside!! from wayyyyy back in the day to my favorite Vacumn story...you were such a good little vacumn-er. haha i seriously got to be a part of watching u grow up. into a real manly man. no not really hahahah no im jk. you got a good heart mikeylicious. and you make that steph happy. foreverr and everrr. cuz stephanie is gangster too. and youre a good person, steph. porque no hay muchas personas que pueden perdonar cosas como tu..and give mike a beat down for me!! haha ALEX! omg..remember when we used to live at the movies and we thought we were the shit like.. "look at us, we spend every weekend at the movies" and remember when u didnt smoke out..and when u didnt drink that often? haha how much uve changed kidd..youre straight thug! Brandizzle........ive always always thought u were too nice to be my friend. im really glad u havent thrown in the towel with me yet.im waiting for the day u finally say OKAY YOURE A BITCH! lol thanks for being there to remind me to use my heart sometimes. thanks for being someone that grounds me. youre always gonna be my little sweet heart even if u are dating adrian! SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL..anything happens.,ill cut ur weiner that u think is growing, off! hahaha dude, ur such a good friend. ya u have ur moments when u cant be serious and u talk about ur pee pee for hours on end..and u have a zillion brothers. hahaha but i frikin love u. ur gonna be like this best friend i never wanted! yayy! haha im so just kidding nigga! i got ur back for life! cuz if it wasnt for u..i wouldnt have met Johnny...my pooh bear or my hot dog..thanks for being you. what else could i say? i care so much for u..thanks for calling to say the little things that dont matter..and thanks for making valentines and cards..when u dont have to. I hope u love your flowers and hope u still have them! haha You make me happy :)...All of u guys make me happy. I love you guys.
-----from ME!
Tanya, Tanya, Tanya, I so fuckin busted a tear duck. I just want to let you know that you guys came in at such a perfect time in my life. You guys are true friends and not having to worry about what I’ll gain or lose from our friendship is the greatest feeling ever! Our understanding and happiness make loving you so easy. Between Monet and you I’ve learned that money isn’t needed to have fun. Just bad ass friends are needed and the fun comes at no extra cost. Thank you, for allowing me to have Monet as a WIFE if you ever need something, know that we are always going to be here for you! Love you my Gangster Nut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
J-Dogg
----From JOHNNY!!
well i just wanted to give shout outs to the gangster crew and say today was freaking great i cant believe we straight up drove to the mountains and were listening to nsync in the car the whole way there!!.. that is what i call best friend!! and i freaking love you all to death!!! .....
well now i am gunna give a little shout outs to everyone!!
monet: you are one of the greatest friend i know and i effing love!!♥ i hope we stay really good friends forever.. wow that sounds gay but i love you!!!..haha i cant believe you talked me into going to the mountains!.. crazy but i did it out of love!!
tanya: betcha cant do it like me.. what ..betcha cant do it like me..what!!.. lol.. i love you so much tanya and i am so0o0oo0o happy you and i have become closer these past couple of months!!.. i hope we stay close!.. i also hope you start driving soon so then the next time we go on a wild adventure to the mountains or where ever we go we can take your car!!..lol
adrian: well i really love spending time with you and going everywhere with you.. i am so happy we are together and i hope we are for a while!.. i cant believe i let you drive my car all the way to the montains!!.. i must really trust you huh?.. lol.. but yeah you are a good driver so i guess it was ok haha
johnny: i am happy that you and my best friend are together ..even tho me and adrian won because we were together first..haha.. but yeah i think you are one of the funniest and sweetest persons i know and i hope we stay best friends forever!!! the next time we go out you can drive my car ok!.. so dont be mad at me!
Mike: you are the greatest person and the funniest too!!.. you always make me laugh even when your not high!!..hehe..you have one of the nicest sister ever too..lol..
this said by tanya!!!
monet-best bitch ever
brandie-nicest bitch ever
johnny-funniest bitch ever
adrian-gangsterist bitch ever
mike-thuggest bitch ever
stephanie-coolest bitch ever
alex-tightest bitch ever
T.L.C
CONTINUED___
O.M.GOSH tanya.... you are the greatest gangster ever.. you staright up broke it down and wrote a life story about each of us!!.. that is so0o0oo0o0o sweet!.. i effing love you so much hoe and i am soo happy that we got so much closer and i hope we stay close forever!!!.. mike you are sweet and funny as hell and even more funny when your high!!.. monet.. i love you like a fat kid loves cake!!..lol.. i want so cake right now ..haha but anyway back to what i was saying.. i wouldnt be who i am today without your love and support and help of braking me out of my cautious shell!!..thank you.. steph you are a great friend and a really good back hitter if i ever need to throw up again i am gunna call you first!!.. lol.. i hope i didnt gross you out too much.. and i am glad you didnt laugh at me when i was throwing up at johhny house.. well atleast you didnt laugh loud enough for me to hear..lol.. but yeah thanks again and i glad you guys have not made fun of me for that yet!..lol..Alex.. what can i say about you.. you are great guy that loves to get high and talk on the phone for hours..lol. thanks for caring about me when i got fucked up and drunk off my ass at johnny house.. i cant wait til next time but i wont be throwing up ..promise!!.. lol..johnny well best friend i am so happy that we are best friends and that you are making my other best friend (monet) really happy !!. thanks for letting me and your best best friend (adrian) go out and stuff.. i love you for that !!! well i hope we stay close and hang out a whole lot more! cus i love our adventures to the beach then the park and all the way to the mountains!!.. haha but yeah thanks for evenrything!and finally my boyfriend! adrian i have not been this happy in a long long time and i just want to thanks for everyhting and i love spending time with you even if it just at the park and it only for like 1 hour .. it still fun! and thanks for the letter you gave me !!!! i hope these feeling last!!
thanks again tanya!!!!!!!
love ya all so fucking much!!!!
T.L.C. gangster crew!!!!
----FROM BRANDIE!
To: Thug.Life.Crew
Well You Guys Are The Best Friends I could Ask For And You Guys Have Been There For Me Since I Could Remember... Some Since I Was A Little Baby, Takin' Care Of Me Because I was Such A Hand Full, And Others Since 7th Grade. And Some Of You I Met Just Recently But Even Though I Still Love You Guys. I'm Sorry I Cant Write A Shotout To Every Single Person... I Haven't Seen You Guys In The Longest Time And I Miss You Guys.
-Alex.
---from ALEX!
Adrian's and Steph's part is to come soon..i know it <3
...Cant you tell we're all emotional bitches that love eachother to death? lol
<3
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| I'll Wait Till You Listen. |
[26 Feb 2006|04:37pm] |
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Belinda Carlisle-Heaven on Earth |
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I havent smoked hooka in so long..Fuck, i miss it. Maybe im addicted to that shit. no, not really. cuz i can go without it. I have, in fact. Ever since sahara's started carding..i dont do it as much. Eden's just isnt as good. I wonder how Roland is doing..If anyone were to read this, they wouldnt know who Roland is..Just for the sake of the potential readers, lets explain; Roland was our[by our i mean all my bestest friends in the world]favorite host at Sahara's Cafe[hooka bar]. We made friends with him and everything. He was totally cool. So yeah, i wonder how he's doing..Next weekend we might be doing Johnny'y house over again. His parents are quite possible going out of town! I hope so..with all do respect to them. lol But we wont trash the house this time. Correction, Johnny wont trash the house this time. Lol..Speaking of Johnny, me and brandie are going to meet him and Adrian at the mall in about an hour. This whole thing is taking some time to get used to. Best friends with best friends.[me&&johnny+brandie&&adrian]I know me and tanya are way too good of friends to be affected by it at all..but i cant help feeling that she thinks or might feel like i dont need her or want to hang out with her anymore..or left out at all. i fuckin love that girl. in fact, i talk so much about her, some think im lesbian.I could imagine how weird it must feel though, when we all go out as a group..but she really isnt the 5th wheel out..cuz we were all friends before any of us got together. GANGSTER friends. and still are. maybe one day in the future you'll read this or something. I doubt it though, cuz im pretty sure you forgot about this site. But if you ever do..i really hope my number one best friend doesnt feel that way.
My mom's wedding[25th anniversary to my dad] is only a month and a half away. Well about that long..its April 29th. i call it my mom's wedding cuz..i dont really think my dad's had a say in Anything.I bet he wont even get to pick out his tuxedo. Oh course not, everyone's gonna see it. My mom will definitely pick it out. My brother's too. BUT NOT MY DRESS:)
I have to read the at church on the cool totem poll where the important people read passages and what not. And i get a microphone..its gonna be mighty hard not to bust out into song! lol..I have to read in spanish though. Im fluent, but dang. How often do i speak spanish anymore? And big words like the one's theyre going to make me read..?Owell, ill do it. And i have to give a speech at the reception too. About my parents..Hmm..i can ramble and ill probably bs my way through it. My mom said it better be nice! lol..Define Nice...
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| Goodbye/Kidd. |
[25 Feb 2006|08:35pm] |
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What a fuckin joke shit can turn out to be right? I know all your little friends, from online, cuz frankly i dont know if you have any real friends kidd, read my little journal here to see what kind of trash im talking about you. HA. you wanna see trash talking? FUCKIN ASSHOLE. YOU FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER WITHOUT TESTICLES.Yeah, me and that bitch are over. And thank God for that. I bet people, or his little friends [again, the online ones] probably thought i was always the bad person. the bad guy. HA. And yet he had some other girlfriend this...probably, entire time. Fucked who knows how many girls. I dont really care or anything. Cuz im over it completely. Im writing it down cuz, well in case i forget. lol. I will forget the details of you. and i will forget your habits, your jokes and saying. Ill forget you existed kidd. cuz you dont mean two shits to me. haha not even one shit. so your little girlfriend is pregnant. But hmm..is she even your girlfriend? Who knows. And now youre just like all your friends. [friends] lol. Youre gonna be a daddy. And youll cheat on her. Cuz fuck, you already have if you were with her while you were with me. And youll do it again. And youll take little presents from little girls that dont know your greedy ass any better. But as for me? you wish you could plan out where i was going to end up dont you? But you cant. Im gonna do something with my life. And im happy right now. I like Johnny. Johnny and me..he makes me happy. And its actually..quite happier than you EVER made me. You were never really good that. haha You know how some fake orgasms? Some fake..happiness? Entertainment? Love? lol. Disappear already. Dont call..and breathe on the phone like a creepy motherfucker. dont text me to tell me im ridiculously immature when you had a secret life. k bye.
I got a job. And this little job is great. Its right there..with the rest of my life ahead of me. Im working in a beauty salon. They have everything! Hair, make up, nails, waxing, massages..everything. So im currently the front desk secretary, but let me work on getting my license and ill be moving on up! Im gonna graduate. And im going to go to a trade school in Hollywood. And im gonna be trained..and make it. And im gonna have a supporting boyfriend along the way. And im gonna have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. and im gonna be happy.
What are you gonna be?
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| Johnny's House |
[12 Feb 2006|12:20pm] |
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Houston Calls-One More Won't Hurt |
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That's my best friend right there.11 years.can you believe that?..so last//night was out of control.for reals.we all went to johnny's house and..its funny cuz we all promised that we would only drink until we were cool and could just chill out.so we wouldnt have to have anyone take care of us..and next thing you know,people were leaning over toilets,crying,trying to run away,breaking every fuckin statue in that house!!God..i had one of the best times of my fuckin life.so what if i had to hold brandie's hair back while she was throwing up with her head leaning against the toilet.and who cares if johnny put the bag of ice on the kitchen floor which then melted and everyone was ice skating in there, and then i fell on my ass-bone 3 times.who gives a shit if me and tanya got even more fucked up half an hour before we left with 3 guys who we dont really..exactly...actually know.FUCK IT!People left and right were making out.after you have a good night like that..you go home and just sit and thing,fuck life is good right now.maybe i say that because im some kind of ex-alcholic and i miss my booze.but i know i may not have video taped last night,but ill always have those memories.about how adrian and johnny still think its Tanya's birthday even though that shit isnt until April!and they got her a batman cake with batman rings,one of which i was wearing and it cut the fuckin circulation off my finger and then someone stole it.i think victor..i want it back.and i wont forget how tanya told johnny there was strawberries in the cake,and how he went crazy looking for them and grabbed the cake with his hands and threw it everywhere.there was cake everywhere!my shoes,my skirt,my shirt[[there was also half of my drinks and other people's drinks on my shirt..which was white]]there was cake on the stove,the statues,sink,cupboards,smeared over the entire premises of the glass table,in people's eyes, MY HAIR!one day, when i read over this little post,im going to laugh and remember everything.maybe not everything, cuz i was pretty fuckin drunk..I cant wait until next time..
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| Broken Home |
[12 Jul 2005|09:47pm] |
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Enter Shikari-Fixed Eyes |
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im laying down typing cuz theres no damn chair by this computer, ou whole house is being trn apart and rebuilt so this room is empty except for this desk..alot is wrong. a lot alot id wrong, i cant think of anything thats right. everything ducks. now i know life isnt fair but famn, since when is life unbearable. when i get older i want to go to a theapist. i eonder what theyd tell me. more like what would i tell them. i dont know.its just one of those night when u keep thinkinh things just cant get worse, and then they do. and not just worse, incredibly worse. i hate this point in my lifr. fuckin ex[ected to act like an adult and treated like a damn child. i cant squeeze in 2 words before someone new is yelling at me, oor just pissing me off or or telling me what to do. wtf does it take to live a happy life. no one i talk to leads on...except the girl whose life was "saved" by jesus. broke poor, the love of her life stopped talking to her out of nowhere and shes happy. she loves everyone. well jesus knows im not like her. theres not an ounce of whatever it is shes got in me. everyone here fights no one listens to eacg=hother, my fuvkin pussy piece of shit brother cries more than me and my mom compared. well fuck hm. one day ill get out of this place and ill drive away wishing to never return ill never come back and visit and chat and give hugs. after i leave, they could all die. for all i care, they could all die right now. my family relationship isnt working. my best friend relationships arent working. my love relationship isnt working. nothings working for me here. and its me. i know its me. but fuck what is wrong with me i dont know wha t to do to fix it. i cant change i cant pretend, this is who and what i am a crazy bitch i guess. whose going nowhere i guess. who has a fuckin problem wih everything she comes across with i wonder what or who illl be in my next life, i hope..a kid. a young little girl. maybe 5. do overs. can we have do overs? thatd be really nice wouldnt it. to know u couold screw around and fuck up as much as ud like cuz u know u get do overs anyway,
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[10 Jul 2005|11:40pm] |
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i cant blame you.
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